Is It Wrong to Help in an Egg or Sperm Donor Search?
Recently, a fellow genealogist reached out to me and asked this:
I’m a genealogist who has helped many adoptees on their DNA searches. I have an ethics question for you. Should I help someone who wants to search for her egg donor? Is it any different from a search for a biological parent in an adoption search?
The first time I assisted in a donor search, I paused to consider the differences in this search compared to others. I considered the similarities and differences and ethical nuances between different parentage situations. Ultimately, I concluded that the search for an egg or sperm donor is not significantly different from any other unknown parentage search.
This is a common scenario in 2020, with the recognition that home DNA testing now helps identify biological relatives no matter the circumstances of a person’s origins. My first searching experience was for my own family, trying to track down a wandering great-grandfather’s whereabouts in the 1930s/40s. After undertaking my own family’s DNA genealogy search, I branched out to assisting adoptees and *NPEs and, eventually, the donor-conceived as well.
(*Not Parent Expected)
Adoptees, NPEs, and donor-conceived individuals seek the same information about themselves.
They all seek answers to questions like:
Who am I, ethnically?
Who am I related to on this planet?
What’s my genetic family's medical history?
Do I have half-siblings out there?
Could I be dating my cousin?
Are there other people who look like me?
Do the people who contributed to my existence know I exist?
Might they be interested in knowing how I/my life turned out?
Would they be interested in some type of relationship with me?
I have assisted in both egg and sperm donor searches at this point. Before I felt comfortable saying yes to the first request, I took the time to learn about the history of gamete donation in the US. It wasn’t something I took lightly.
My genetic counseling background had prepared me with a basic understanding of the conflicting interests of the donors, parents, and children, but I knew I needed to do more research into available resources — websites, counselors, and donor registries, for example. (What I learned was that the US fertility industry is rife with problems and almost always put the needs of the donor-conceived last and that resources produced by non-US organizations and programs tend to be more helpful at this point in time, like those in Australia and the UK.)
As in any DNA family search, there are sensitive family issues involved with a donor search. Ethically, there are shades of gray because of conflicting priorities and interests (privacy might be a desire for a donor, for example, while accurate information is a priority for the conceived person).
Ultimately, I feel that it is possible to weigh everyone’s needs, but a conceived person’s need for the accurate information about their genetic identity tops all others. The right to one’s identity and genetic information are inherent, and information about our genetic identity impacts all areas of life, no matter who we are or how we came into existence. More people are beginning to understand this and speak up and out. Just recently, I learned about a new nonprofit advocacy organization called Right To Know created in Washington state to advocate for individuals’ right to know their genetic identity.
Rights to know who we are are distinct from, and shouldn’t be confused with, the right to a relationship with another person, though. That’s a separate topic for a separate post.
Children conceived with donor assistance did not consent to the contract signed when they were created. Lawsuits and cease and desist letters sent to people who have sought to track down an egg or sperm donor that have been reported in the news (like this one) might give us a reason to stop and ask why? What is going on in this situation? These stories give us pause but they should not be deterrents for those needing important information relevant to their health, family, and self-identity.
Follow your gut and if you are hesitant to help, try to figure out why. You must be okay with the reasons behind the ask. Once you are, then feel free to proceed.
Fellow genealogists and search angels, do you agree? Would you work with an adoptee searching for biological parent(s) but would not work on a DNA search on behalf of someone donor-conceived? What reasons or arguments sway your opinion on the matter?
