“All of the locks that guarded her secrets no longer worked” - An interview with author Peter J. Boni
In midlife, Peter J. Boni learned the truth of his genetic origins: his parents had used sperm donor assistance to conceive him. The news wasn't revealed by a DNA test or directly from a parent, the way most donor-conceived individuals find out. Instead, the news came from another person who had been with his mother in a rehabilitation center while she recovered from heart surgery and a post-operative stroke; his mother had begun to share the story with others of using a sperm donor to conceive in 1945 but had not shared it with her son yet. "All of the locks that guarded her secrets no longer worked," Boni explained.
This revelation led to a conversation between Boni and his mother during which he shared with her how disruptive it had been to discover he was sperm donor-conceived later in life. In this episode of DNA Clarity and Support, Boni describes not only the personal experience of learning he is 'semi-adopted' but also the outcomes of his extensive research on the sociological, scientific, and legal aspects of assisted reproductive technologies. Boni's book Uprooted published in 2022 is dedicated to sharing the outcomes of his research, much of which is likely unknown even to those who work professionally in ART world.
The conversation between host Brianne Kirkpatrick and Boni swings back and forth, exploring the personal impacts on Boni and his awareness of the need for societal change. Boni shares how the new trauma of the NPE ('not parent expected') discovery rekindled some of the old trauma from his past, requiring hard work in the therapist's office to work through. He describes the discovery of a half-sibling and the development of relationships with her and other newly-discovered biological relatives.
An important aspect of Boni's work is his desire to shine a light on the areas of the assisted reproductive industry where change is needed. He speaks of the Bill of Rights of the Donor Conceived that is listed at the conclusion of Uprooted and encourages the discussion and changes needed on a legislative level to start happening. The discussion with Boni hits upon main points that can help others who are not donor-conceived understand what it is like to go through the process of a misattributed parentage experience. It's an important one.
Find your copy of Uprooted: Family Trauma, Unknown Origins, and the Secretive History of Artificial Insemination:
In hardcover print from Amazon or Bookshop.org (bookshop supports independent booksellers)
