Writing is Healing

DNA surprise discoveries are a watershed event, sending ripples throughout a family. Those who are immediately involved in the discovery (the person who learns that their father is not biologically related to them, for example) see the biggest upset to their understanding of their past and self. Your identity is based on the past, and what you have taken for granted about your life and truth. A DNA discovery upsets the truth and forces a change to the way you perceive yourself and others. Pain, anger, clarity, and relief---all of these are common reactions. Siblings, discovered biological fathers, spouses, children, and friends—even genealogists and search angels involved in making shocking discoveries—find it hard to make an adjustment back to life as it was "before" an unexpected discovery.

When everyone is supported and has a chance to be heard and their emotions validated, healing can begin.

DNA surprises can:

-disrupt your idea of the past

-make you question everything you held as the "truth"

-change your image of a person (whether living or deceased)

-disrupt your everyday life and thoughts

-create strains in relationships

-lead to hurt feelings

-lead to confusion about the behaviors or words of someone else

-reveal difficult decisions that have to be made

-lead to conversations that until now you were able to avoid

-lead you to reassess your personal values and how your values align with a spouse, child, sibling, and other people in your life

-can come at a time when other life stressors make it difficult to respond well

When it is the other person in your marriage, partnership, or relationship whose world is rocked, it can be hard to know how to help. If you are a person who likes to take action and fix things when something goes wrong, it can be upsetting to not know how to fix the situation. You might also be experiencing your own emotional journey.

Everyone reacts to surprise discoveries in different ways, and some people may not have a need to heal. Sometimes discoveries hold joy and relief. Every story and every situation is unique, and everyone has needs that are important to notice and address.

After a life-altering event, step back and take stock of your life and what has happened. Realize adjusting to change takes time, and that's okay. Give yourself the time and space you need to find some stability before reacting.

Writing is Healing is one way to explore your feelings about what just happened. Find other resources at www.watersheddna.com/resources.