Why DNA Family Discoveries Lead To a Need for Healing
DNA surprise discoveries are not confined to one person in a family.
Those who are immediately affected (the person who learns that their dad is not biologically related to them, for example) might see the biggest change in their understanding of their life and self. Your identity is based on the past, and what you have taken for granted about your life and truth.
When a DNA discovery upsets the truth, we see everyone involved hit with the ripples. Pain and anger, clarity and relief---all of these are common and normal reactions. The degree to which we feel different emotions is unique to us, and it changes over time.
Siblings, discovered biological fathers, spouses, children, friends, and even genealogists and search angels involved in making shocking discoveries find it hard to make an adjustment back to life as it was "before" an unexpected discovery.
Unexpectedly Becoming the Support Person
When it is the other person in your marriage, partnership, or relationship whose world is rocked, it can be hard to know how to help. If you are a person who likes to take action and fix things when something goes wrong, it can be upsetting to not know how to fix the situation.
Before anything can be done to "fix" a situation, we have to step back and realize what is happening. Let's do that now!
First, let's understand what family discoveries and DNA surprises CAN do, with the understanding that every situation and every person is different.
Impacts of family DNA discoveries
DNA surprises can:
disrupt your idea of the past
make you question something you held as the "truth"
make you question everything you held as the "truth"
change your image of a person (whether living or deceased)
disrupt your everyday life and thoughts
can overtake your thoughts without your permission
create complexity where simplicity once existed
create strains in relationships
lead to hurt feelings
lead to confusion about the behaviors or words of someone else
reveal difficult decisions that have to be made
lead to conversations that until now you were able to avoid
lead you to reassess your personal values and how your values align with a spouse, child, sibling, and other people in your life
can come at a time when you are the least ready to respond to it (other existing family situations and stressors often command attention and take priority)
Some people describe feeling "on edge" or scared of what could come next. Will the phone ring unexpectedly? Could there be a knock at the door? Will another surprise come to light after this first one?
Everyone reacts to surprise discoveries in different ways, and some people may not have a need to heal. Sometimes discoveries hold joy and relief. Every story and every situation is unique, and everyone has needs that are important to notice and address.
After a life-altering event, step back and take stock of your life and what has happened. Realize adjusting to change takes time, and that's okay.